Friendship Beyond The Window

Do you ever feel like you are looking at friendships from an inside window from within yourself? It’s as though you are trapped in a room simply only being allowed to watch and observe something you so desperately want to touch. You look out and wonder “how can I get that… how can I have something so sweet and tender?” Then you ask yourself what

looking out the window
Rashmi Kamath

is keeping me from leaving this trapped place? Then you begin to pump yourself up “YEAH I can do this!!!” without really understanding what “this” is. So without knowing what part of you, you are really cheering on, you run to the door of your inner home that has kept you “safe”, and has also kept you from the joys of “being with” and “doing life with others”, and living a “wholehearted life” like Brene Brown’s book describes. So now you are at the door. You are proud to make it to the door, because you can feel the courage it took to make it to the door. Since before this point you were ok with simply looking out the window, but your inner being that was designed and created to be with others pushes you to your correct alignment. You are at the door so excited, and motivated, and then you realize the door has a lock. You ask yourself  “where is the key?” “How do I even begin to find the key?” At this moment

door with lock
Amar Kulo

you want to give up…. you actually tried unlocking this door before to have been met with disappointment and a sense of failure so you walk back to the window. Not this time… this time you are willing to risk GREATLY.  You begin to search for the key and realize they are buried in a  very deep place…. a place that seems dark and scary… a place that has caution tape marked with “hazardous material”.  You walk around the caution tape looking into this place… trying to figure out how to get in and not get too messy, as you have spent so much time getting all dressed up and presentable and would not want to start engaging in  friendships looking a hot mess. So you begin to strategize and game plan “how do I get in there!!??”. You so desire that key that opens that door. It all becomes too much so you run back to the door contemplating if there is a way to just knock it down… thinking this will be way easier. You try every method


possible to knock the door down noticing that you left a little dent, and you are now exhausted and still in-front of the door. At this point you know… you know, that you have to get that key. You know, that you have to break through that caution tape. You know, you have to go through the “hot mess”. You know that once you get the key, and unlock the door that everyone will know that not all is perfect. They will know you had to do some digging. At your core you know what is needed so you go for it. Tears of pain and hurt stream down your face as you dig. You move pile after pile and soon you begin to realize that you have developed a new rhythm. You are getting stronger with each pile you remove. Your tears of pain have now changed to tears of hope. You begin to see the shining reflection of the key that has been buried for so long.

hands and body

At this moment you pause and contemplate covering it all up again. Seeing the key brings in a new flood of emotions and doubts “this is simply too much ….do I really want the key? I know I have worked so hard to reach this point…. but now I am not so sure”. So again you sit and wait and try to think of another way. You game plan and strategize “I will grab the key, take it back to the window, and I will hold onto it just in case I need to use it”. Then you hear something on the other end of the door. you hear people shouting your name and encouraging you to come out… they yell that they have been waiting for you. You realize at that moment you can do this and you will. You dust off whats left on the key and grab it with force… with force that comes so deep from within your core. You hold the key and realize that it is still a little messy and not as shiny as you thought it would be. You grab your shirt to clean the key and realize your shirt is not as clean as you would like it to be. Then again you hear the voices on the other side of the door

on the other side of the door

calling you to come out… their words are so encouraging and they yell “we have tried to open this door, but we cannot. You have to open it from the inside”. The words echo in your head “it has to be open from the inside… it has to be open form the inside… it has to be open from the

new space

inside”. You realize what you have to do. You realize that they will just have to see you. They will have to see the messy key and the messy “me”. This is your moment and you know it. You can feel it through your skin… until this moment you did not know that your soul could dance. A presences has now entered the room, and with a gentle comforting whisper you hear  “I am here”… with that alone you run so fast to the door that it is like you are floating. You unlock the door… as you push it open you realize others are pulling it open. You realize you are no longer at the window, you are no longer at the door… and you have now entered a new space.

Published by Maria

Hi, I am a mama of three (2,7,9), a wife to an amazing supportive caring husband. I am passionate about working with women and their families specializing in Maternal Mental Health. Being a Therapist is my dream career!!!

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